I hate all girls vehemently.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
