just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize