So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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