i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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