is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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