I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
two words...techno handjob
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
