I never want to see another naked old woman again.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
