I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
