wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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