If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
