For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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