So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
