i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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