one might say we're banned from that church
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
