does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We talked him into tasing himself.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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