Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
