I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
