just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
