Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
