I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
