Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
