So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
