Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize