I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize