hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
