i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
