Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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