How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
