Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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