I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
