hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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