she woke up with a sticky ear
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
