Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
