Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
