I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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