Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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