It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
