I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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