just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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