I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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