I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
