Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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