Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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