Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
