were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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