my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
