I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
