I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
