I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize