you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
