she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize