I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
