My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
