I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
