Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
