you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
