I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
