If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize