How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
