I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
