2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
