I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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