thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
